making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
