I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
