Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
