So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
