I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
