i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
