The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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