trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
