It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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