I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
