Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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