walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
