Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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