I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my shit smells like andre
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
