but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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