YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
