Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
