Got a toothbrush?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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