It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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