Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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