Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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