I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
