I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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