Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
