You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
