Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
