I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
