A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
