If that was your dad, he is hot
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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