WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
