The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My first STD was from a foam party
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
