Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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