I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
