this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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