it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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