Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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