Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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