She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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