i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
