so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
