If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's shark week go big or go home
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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