i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
