OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
