You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
