eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
