break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
