I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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