I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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