Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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