you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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