bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
