I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
