just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
