i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
