Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
