I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
