His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
